brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
