I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
