Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
