Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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