ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
