it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My vagina is very pro this idea
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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