I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
