11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
