Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize