he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
