What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
