let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
