She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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