My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
