i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
