in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
