I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
