a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still dying that you shit outside
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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