I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
