The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
