I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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