What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
