I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
