Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
