haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
