So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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