Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
