Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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