I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
