After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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