I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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