It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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