vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
