it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
