What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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