it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
as a side note pls kill me
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