i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
