i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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