Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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