I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
