you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
