Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
