I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
