i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
