Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
