Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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