ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michael Bay diarrhea
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
