This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
