some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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