let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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