oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize