If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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