he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
