Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
