if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
