sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
