We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
