Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
