I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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