After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
