Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
