The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
