He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I enjoy the company of your penis
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