I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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