my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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