I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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