Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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