Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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